How to make bachelor-style kerala chicken fry

Load some driving guitar-driven alterna-rock into the listening device of your choice and commence to dance violently.

Fix yourself a stiff drink! This is a Boccie Ball. I like it strong, like about half and half. Later on in prep, you might want to switch to something cheaper.

Make your curry powder with all seven dry spices, then add 2 tsp salt. This amount is good for 8 recipes so keep it around in a labeled jar. You'll need a heaping tsp each time you make this chicken.

Put some rice on to cook. Basmati is actually from north India & this is a Kerala-style (south Indian) dish, so maybe you know where to get something more authentic.

Chop at least two onions into ribbons. Trust me on this, they will cook down to almost nothing. It is at this point that you should close all the doors in the house, or pay your roommates to go out.

Trim and slice your chicken breast. If it's big, you can get away with half.

Chop the garlic, ginger and chiles.

Set the table, playa! You want lots of ice water, a big rice bowl and plenty of napkins and kleenex (your nose will be running!) if you're eating alone, add a good book.

Heat your cast iron over medium high and add a lot of oil, like a quarter cup at least. Then add the chopped onions. You're gonna sweat 'em then brown 'em. Yes, the whole house will smell like onions.

First the onions turn yellow, then they turn honey gold, then they turn nut brown, then they're done. You'll get the hang of it, but you have to stir very often & lower the heat once in a while.

When the onions are ready, turn the heat back up and toss in your garlic, ginger and chilies. Stir fry for a minute or two. Now you know why this is 'bachelor-style'. Garlic is a vegetable, dude.

Add some water and 1 heaping tsp of your homemade curry powder, then stir.

Add the sliced chickies, baby! Stir fry continuously until done, several minutes at least.

At the very end, take it off the heat and stir in a squirt of lemon juice. Don't skip this! It ties everything together, trust me on this.

Serve & enjoy! You're gonna wanna linger over this one, which will be easy because the onion and garlic have driven everybody out of the house by now. More for you. The finish? Ice-cold mountain dew.