Snapguide
STEPS
INGREDIENTS
First, locate all your supplies. Apparently Marmite is in short supply due to the earthquake last year. So at least there's that.

First, locate all your supplies. Apparently Marmite is in short supply due to the earthquake last year. So at least there's that.

Apply as much butter-like substance as possible. This is the way the true "miters" (as no one but myself likes to call them) eat theirs.

Apply as much butter-like substance as possible. This is the way the true "miters" (as no one but myself likes to call them) eat theirs.

Put on as much as you possibly can. Trust me.

Put on as much as you possibly can. Trust me.

Try to ignore the fact that this looks like grease you'd find in your bike's gears. Or in your ears after you fell into a septic tank.

Try to ignore the fact that this looks like grease you'd find in your bike's gears. Or in your ears after you fell into a septic tank.

Relish the last few moments of peace and tranquility your stomach is currently enjoying. Remind yourself "this is what 'safe' feels like."

Relish the last few moments of peace and tranquility your stomach is currently enjoying. Remind yourself "this is what 'safe' feels like."

Let the fear overcome you and spray on much, much more of that butter-stuff. Now would also be a good time to locate antacids and your nearest bathroom.

Let the fear overcome you and spray on much, much more of that butter-stuff. Now would also be a good time to locate antacids and your nearest bathroom.

Chew slowly. Talk your throat into swallowing this culinary abomination by reminding yourself how many people will like your snapguide. Hooray for adventure!

  • Marmite
  • Butter
  • Toast
  • Knife