How to bottle beer

add 2 tbsp of sanitizing solution to 2 gallons of water for your first wash

dunk each bottle in the sanitizing wash for a minute or two. if you are just using the wash to sanitize I would dunk longer. but we are going to cook these glass beasts after this for ultimate cleanse

now you gotta get those bottles in your oven. you set that heat sack to 250 degrees. you let those bottles cook for a good hour son. you'll need about 50 12 ounce bottles for a 5 gallon batch. aw yea

while those bottles are heatin up to rid them of sin, grab your carboy and place that beast in an elevated place. you'll need that magic called gravity to siphon the beer into bottles.

you still have that sanitization solution from the bottles. don't throw it out. it's still good. you can use it to wash your siphoning tools. let them sit in it for a half hour or so.

while your bottles are heating up an your equipment is sunken, grab your dextrose. it's basically sugar. boil one cup of water and pour your dextrose into it. let it dilute into a syrup. a minute

pour the dextrose solution into your 5 gallons of beer. mix it around with one of the siphon tubes for about a minute and let your beer settle for while.

put your siphon setup together and fasten it to your 5 gallon carboy. you want it about 3/4 of the way down. not touching the bottom of the carboy. I use a rubber band because I'm a clown.

now that your bottles are cooked and cooled. start your siphon an fill those little guys up. put them on the ground below your elevated carboy and press your spout into them to just fill them. fill.

repeate this step to fill each bottle. I got some 22 ounce bottles cause I'm no fool. so I don't do 50 I'm more like 35. push the siphon into the bottom of the bottle to release the juice.

alright sons of man. you have all your bottles filled. now boil like 4 cups of water. as soon as it boils turn the flame off and dump your bottle caps in. this is enough to sanitize these.

place the bottle caps on each filled bottle. they love this. you got a bottle clamper right? ok then. place it down all gentle like and get above it.

getting above the bottle during this step is going to help you a lot. put just enough pressure to push the handles about level with the ground. you don't need a lot of force to do this. do you feel it

cap each and every one of your boys. DO NOT DRINK THEM. you will DIE. just kidding cowards. you will get drunk that's all. this beer is ready to go. dextrose and six days will give you carbonation.

you done son of man! place these jems In a dark spot for six days. then chill. then drink.