How to be socially acceptable

have you noticed that people stare at you.. Well take a look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you are attractive. If no, apply a shitload of make up until the answer becomes yes.

When your face looks like this.. Youre done and ready for society. Had to bust out the double chin!

Since you don't have any friends, a good way to make some is by crying about how you don't have any. Or create a Facebook and add every person you have ever seen in your life. EVERYONE.

Such as the protesters you saw in Toronto..

A persons worth is obviously based on how much money they have. make sure you spend at least 1000 dollars on every item of clothing you buy.

Side note: if the tag says Gucci, you're on the right track.

Something's you'll have to sacrifice: education, food,car and home. Basically, everything except your expensive clothing, make a house out of it.

Apply every gender stereotype.

Guys: work out at least 25 hours per day, only be interested in sports and cars, and take your shirt off when ever possible and just whip it around.

Ladies: giggle abundantly, travel in pods, wear more eyeliner then necessary, be annoyingly stoopid. 1+1=window and 2+2=fish. draw yourself in pink, and make a lot of sandwiches.

Have no emotion. To do so- repeat after me- I am cool. I don't care. Socially acceptable people don't let others affect them. So even if you give a toot about others, don't show it.

Also, plaster a smile on your face at all times. Watch videos of dying puppies so it is impossible for you to cry. Congrats. You now have a heart of stone.

Now that you are the same as everyone else, you are now better then everyone else.

Girls: get used to wearing stilettos so you can look down upon everyone. Guys: youre just going to have to get taller.

Have you accomplished this? Congratulations! Partayy time!

Do not follow any of the these steps... They will set you up for disaster. If I offend you, I apologize and am truly sorry. If I make you laugh..well.. Yay! :)