How to bake the best chocolate chip cookies

What fine looking ingredients we have there. Someday they'll grow up and become the cookies they were destined to be. Good thing someday is in about 60 minutes.

Start with a bowl and the flour. You probably could start with a plate...but we'll see how far you get with that. Take my word for it on this one.

Baking soda. Pretty standard issue. If you have something other than standard issue baking soda, either you're too legit for this guide, or you should stop now because you don't know what it is.

Humans have been putting salt in food for eleventy billion years....you think we are gonna stop the tradition now? Nope, put it in. Now is a good time to give your dry ingredients a good mix.

New bowl. Soften the butter. Yes that is two whole sticks. Yes that is a lot. No these are not healthy. Yes they will be the best damn chocolate chip cookies you've ever had.

Brown sugar. My iPhone keeps auto correcting Brown to "Brian." So add in the Brian sugar now. If your name is Brian, this just got weird, I apologize.

Sugar. In the bowl.......NOW!

Two eggs. I recommend putting them in a separate bowl to make it easier. Plus it's easier to search and rescue any egg shell you may have gotten in....but you don't ever make that mistake do you?

Add the vanilla and eggs and start to cream the mixture together. If you're a cool kid you're using the vanilla you made using my other guide.

Slowly pour the dry ingredients into the bowl as you continue mixing. If you're doing it by hand mix in a little at a time until it gets absorbed, then add more until its all mixed.

Add the chocolate chips now. Should take the whole bag. I am sure by this point it's not a full bag because you've been sneaking some to snack on....stop that!

Use a spoon and start scooping about 1-2 tbs globs onto a cookie sheet. Notice how I said globs? There is no science here folks...just get the dough on there and magic will happen.

These babies are going into the oven at 350 for 10-12 min. Timing here is variable. Watch them and pull them out when they start to turn slightly brown on the top.

These need to cool for bit or they'll be too gooey. I do fully recommend trying a warm one though. I was questioning the whole heaven thing until I tried these warm, heaven exists trust me.

Those are the best cookies in the world. Whoever invented milk, did so with these cookies in mind.